


Home is where you heart is set in stone (it's where you go when you're alone)

by artsyleo



Series: Spider-Man: Golden Age - A Fic Series [4]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Peter Parker, Body Image, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Male Character, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Memories, Nightmares, Original Character(s), Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Sad with a Happy Ending, Series, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Violence, kinda minimal, nonbinary author, quite minimal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 09:34:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20655029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: Alec's past seems determined to haunt him at the worst times -luckily a very tired May Parker and two protective friends are there to help.Set post Homecoming, pre IW/Far From Home





	Home is where you heart is set in stone (it's where you go when you're alone)

**Author's Note:**

> !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!  
\- Short description of child abuse   
\- Undetailed mentions of (mostly unintentional) self-harm  
\- Description of a panic attack   
\- Slight blood?   
\- Talk of unsafe binding (could be dysphoria-triggering? thought I aught to mention it)
> 
> To avoid the child abuse part, skip from 'Alec's dream then shifted' to 'With that, the dream blurred again'. Please do not read if this subject could be triggering to you. 
> 
> So, you peeps seemed to like the last proper angsty one I did so here ya go! This is the subject of a couple dysphoric evenings (Idk if I've ever said on here but hi I'm non binary!) and its absolute trash but ah well :,) unbeta-d and unedited, enjoy, folks <3

_11 year old Alec, a pre-teen not yet beaten down by life, still an innocent child, stood in front of the long, pristine mirror in his parents bedroom, looking into his own stark blue eyes and wondering why everything felt so wrong. It's not like he'd had the privilege to talk to anyone about it - he wasn't exactly popular at school, as he preferred to spend his spare time in amongst the dusty old library of the girls private school that his parents shipped him off to. This was one of the rare times when he could come home for the holidays, when his parents weren't too busy at work to take care of him. It wasn't so cold outside that it actually felt like Christmas, although it never really did in the centre of London. A gust of wind coming through the window made Alec shiver, bringing his mind back to the mirror, and what it was staring back at him. That was the thing that scared him the most - they didn't really have mirrors like this back at the school, so he'd almost been able to forget what he looked like, but here, in his parents' bedroom window, all he could see was the stark truth - this was what his body looked like, and he hated it. Every part, every thing that made him feminine, hated the way that it curved and hated the way that the dress that his mother had chosen for him fitted to it. He hated it all, and he didn't yet have the words to put to why. _  
_Alec's dream then shifted, to a few years later, and suddenly he was back there. The room was stark and cold, Alec having taken all of his valuable belongings out of the room in a steady stream weeks ago, praying for a peaceful ending, but preparing for the worst. His father stood by the door, his eyes alight with rage, only aimed at the quivering boy sat at the other end of the room, blood already dripping from his nose. _  
_"Father-"_  
_"You have no right to call me that, you insolent, ungrateful little girl!"_  
_Perhaps it should have been the insults that got to Alec the most, but instead it was just a single word that cut like a knife through his chest - **girl**. _  
_"Don't. Call. Me. That." _  
_"You can't escape it, Elisabeth." His father taunted, as he stalked closer. "I. Am. Your. Father, and you will listen to me!" _  
_With his last words, the man dragged Alec up by his collar and lay his fist again into the boy's cheek, where he dropped to the floor again. With that, the dream blurred again, shifting as two other figures came into view in place of the old man. He recognised the two immediately - Peter, with Ned by his side, both looking down at Alec with disgust on their faces. Alec again felt the familiar pressure around his chest, and realised he was back in the changing room, stripped of his shirt and shivering in his binder. Noise came from all around him, overwhelming his senses with a single word, the one that haunted his every waking moment - **freak**. At first it was just a quiet chant coming from the area around him, but then it was coming from Ned's lips, and then Peter's, whispering about his stupid little crush, and how could anyone love a freak like Alec? And it was all around him, they were chanting his name, _  
_Alec..._  
_Alec!_   
"Alec!"  
The boy in question shot up, almost hitting Peter in the process, and frantically looked around the room, looking for the figure that almost certainly would be there, the old man that had haunted his life ever since he'd escaped that house. Instead, he just found Peter's small bedroom, and the concerned faces of his two friends next to him. As the feeling started to return to the rest of his body, he felt that pressure around his chest again, this time accompanied with a sharp, stabbing pain, leaving the boy breathless with panic. He immediately bolted to the other side of the room, cramming himself into one of the corners, trying to hide his small frame away from sight, his breathing still erratic, hands clawing at his forearms. Had he not been breathing so heavily, he would have heard Ned stutter something to Peter about how they needed to get him out of his binder, as the research he'd done had told him that it was dangerous to sleep in one, and most probably dangerous to be wearing one in the midst of a panic attack such as the one Alec was having. Peter nodded silently and shot over to Alec, Ned close behind, as he did the same as what he had done in the cubicle, asking permission to touch Alec and then gently pulling the boy's hands towards him, all the while encouraging him to breathe. As important as it was to get the binder off of Alec, Peter knew in his heart that asking him to take it off now would just result in pushing him further away.   
It only took a couple of seconds for the shaking boy to start sobbing into Peter's arms, which made his heart break just a little more for him. Whatever had happened in his dream had obviously shaken him hugely, and Peter wasn't sure if he wanted to know quite what haunted the boy so badly. After a minute or so, Ned came and sat on the other side of Alec, putting his arm carefully around the boy's shoulder. He flinched slightly, but pulled Ned's arm back around him when he started to pull away. For a minute, everything was just peaceful like that, the three boys sat together on the corner of Peter's room, until a careful knock came from the door, and a suitably exhausted yet concerned looking May Parker stepped into the room. She surveyed the situation carefully for a minute, her eyes only widening momentarily when she saw the marks on Alec's arms - her time in one of the busiest emergency departments in Queens had shown her enough of how cruel the world could be on teens. Without a word, she turned back around and headed into the kitchen, where Peter heard sounds of the kettle being boiled.   
Alec's sobbing had subsided to quiet whimpers for now, along with his still-too-fast breathing. He lifted his head for just a second from Peter's chest.  
"I-I- h-hoodie," he managed to stutter out. Ned, who had been holding it the whole time, held it out to Alec, who took it with a shaking hand. Peter noticed with a small smirk that the hoodie was the same one that he had given Alec in the bathroom a few weeks ago. Alec pulled it around himself and looked back up at Peter, who immediately turned around, along with Ned. After a minute or so, a small squeak of 'done' came from Alec and he turned back around. Before Peter could say anything else, May came back to the door, looking at the three boys with sympathy.   
"Tea's ready," She came a little closer to Alec, who continued to rub at his arms over the hoodie and looked down, shame in his blue eyes. "Whenever you're ready, honey. You have nothing to be ashamed of." With that, she shot a smile at Peter and walked out, sitting back in the kitchen.   
\----------  
The first time that May Parker had met Alec, she had fallen in love with the boy. Granted, she had fallen in love with most of Peter's friends, but, from the first time they'd met, May had had a soft spot for Alec. The fact that Alec and Peter had shown up to the apartment giggling, Alec looking visibly shaken but smiling, and snuggled in Peter's giant hoodie may have had something to do with it - Peter had later told May what had happened to the boy, and she herself had been devastated, looking at the awkward, smiley boy with a newfound fondness the next time she saw him. Yes, it could definitely be said that May had a soft spot for him, and wasn't afraid to show it. She had also noticed the way in which the two boys looked at each other, both pandering after each other but neither noticing the other's emotions on the subject. May had known that Peter wasn't straight since long before he came out to her as bisexual last year, and was truly happy to see how far the boy had come, no longer ashamed about having a crush on a boy, but also knew that, if he needed to talk about his emotions, May would simply have to wait for him to come to her, otherwise she would get nothing. However, secretly, she was definitely rooting for the two of them - they would make an adorable couple. Seeing the way that her boy had handled Alec at his lowest - holding him gently and whispering carefully in his ear - warmed her heart. They so clearly loved each other, and, after all Peter had been through in the last year, she was so happy that he had found Alec, and found happiness with the boy, even if he had been painfully oblivious to Alec's feelings, and his own.   
After a few more minutes of silence, May was brought back to the present when a soft pair of footsteps pattered from the direction of Peter's room. Alec stood in the doorway, looking sheepish and nervous, not quite sure what to do with himself. May just gave him a comforting smile in response.   
"Come sit down, love," she whispered. Alec walked slowly over to the table and sat at the seat opposite May.   
"Ned and P-Peter are just s-sorting out the bed," he explained, reaching out to curl his small hands (which, curiously, still wore leather fingerless gloves) around the mug in front of him. "I'm sorry i-if I woke you up, Mrs Parker."  
"That's okay, I just got in from my shift anyway," May replied. "And, please, May is fine, Alec."  
He smiled sheepishly at her. His arm shifted on the table to reach for the sugar, and revealed a small drop of blood that had been left on the table. Alec's hand froze, not quite sure what to say, how to cover it up. May saw what Alec was fixated on and took Alec's hand carefully.   
"Could I have a look?"   
Alec noticed for the first time the small first aid pack that was sat on the edge of the table, as if May was leaving it completely up to Alec. He just gave a small nod in response, and pulled back his sleeves. May didn't look disgusted, or horrified, like he expected, she just reached for the first aid pack, pulling an antiseptic wipe out of it and carefully taking Alec's hand. She worked gently and quickly, wiping Alec's arms down and then wrapping them in gauze.   
"There you go, all done."   
"T-Thank you, really I appreciate it," Alec smiled slightly. The woman said nothing, just smiled gently and then reached forward to put some of the sugar into Alec's tea.   
"It d-doesn't always happen, I don't- it's not on purpose, I-"  
"Hey, I'm not cross with you, Alec. You don't have to explain it to me, but I do think that you should talk to someone."   
"How are you so- how are you not freaked out by this?"   
"This isn't the first time I've seen something like this, Alec, I'm a nurse. You're not alone."   
At that, Alec looked up at her, tears in his eyes. "Thank you."   
May smiled, "Anytime I can help, honey."  
At that, Peter and Ned walked back into the room, Peter immediately coming to Alec's side, concern written across his face.   
"I'm okay, Peter, stop worrying," Alec smiled.  
Peter just grinned, sitting down next to Alec at the table, Ned sitting to his other side.   
The four sat in silence for a couple of minutes, May pouring the rest of the tea into two more mugs for Peter and Ned. It was Ned who eventually broke the silence.   
"Alec, do you want to talk about it?"   
Alec looked down at that, into the half empty mug of tea clasped between his cold fingers. Could he tell them? Would they freak out? Would _he_ freak out? It'd been so long since he'd talked about it.   
"I-I'm sorry," Alec stuttered, ashamed. "I don't think I can."   
Peter simply took his hand across the table. "No problem. Whenever- if ever- you're ready."   
"What we will talk about, however," May asked, while bringing out the empty packet of biscuits still left in one of the drawers, "Is which of you three it was that finished these and didn't put them in the trash, hmm? Peter?"   
The boy in question giggled and blushed at his aunt, who proceeded to hit him on the head with the empty packet and watch him carry it sheepishly to the trash, making the two other boys erupt in laughter.   
As the four of them curled up later on the tiny sofa, watching friends reruns on the tv, Alec couldn't help but think that this was where he was meant to be- finally, he felt safe, at home, loved, among three people whom he never thought he would meet - however unusual they were, they were his family, and he was happy. 


End file.
